Bumper Sticker Philosophy   

• Life is sexually transmitted. 

• Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids. 

• Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane. 

• It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end. 

• The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 

• Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. 

• The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. 

• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. 

• Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that). 

•Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself). 

• When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess? 

• If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.

• The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open. 

• Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.

• There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead. 

• An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. 

• A closed mouth gathers no feet. 

• Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 

• It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere. 

• Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney. 

• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.