Wisdom for the Ages   

• If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. 

• A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. 

• Don’t be irreplaceable; if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. 

• It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve 
done and what you’re going to do. 

• After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the 
month than you did before. 

• The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. 

• You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. 
(A classified cover sheet works really well). 

• Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse 
will happen to you the rest of the day.

• If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a 
damn fool about it. 

• There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when 
the boss asks for a ride home from the office. 

• Keep you boss’s boss off your boss’s back. 

• Everything can be filed under ‘miscellaneous.’

• Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour. 

• To err is human, to forgive is not our policy. 

• Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is 
supposed to be doing. 

• Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. 

• If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, 
you will get out of it. 

• You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. 

• People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t. 

• If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done. 

• At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number 
of pens that person is carrying. 

• When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

• Following the rules will not get the job done. 

• Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules. 

• When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing 
it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?" 

• No matter how much you do, you never do enough. The last person that quit 
or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.